She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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