either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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