I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
