official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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