I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
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I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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