So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist