I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
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Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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