Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
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had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack