eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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