I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen