Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?