I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?