I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal