i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.