I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.