Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
tell me about the fingering
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