rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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