Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
