everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize