So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style