well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.