u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?