I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.