dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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