Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Congratulations! We have a period
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
