He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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