i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
