He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.