I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad