hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.