one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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