pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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