guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?