your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...