I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.