He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate