We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?