i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.