Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.