I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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