got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
