You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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