I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
