never play flip cup with pint glasses
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
