Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
