You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize