Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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