I smell stomach acid.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
