i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
