my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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