My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize