Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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