I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
