I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
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Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death