how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.