ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.