Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't

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  (253): she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't http://tfl.nu/jem5
  Replies (5) Good night (2362) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  She said she didn't have time to shave "there"

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.

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  (781): She said she didn't have time to shave "there" (617): Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster. http://tfl.nu/ama3
  Replies (58) Good night (914) Bad night (4715)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.

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  (310): I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips. http://tfl.nu/o6k6
  Replies (15) Good night (1661) Bad night (2997)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for

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  (304): Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for http://tfl.nu/goo7
  Replies (27) Good night (10277) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  no, that is not a typo

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday

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  (401): i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night (401): no, that is not a typo (401): i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday http://tfl.nu/nleu
  Replies (50) Good night (6688) Bad night (2275)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.

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  (910): I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling. http://tfl.nu/sj19
  Replies (6) Good night (2765) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.

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  (925): I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3. http://tfl.nu/j6bz
  Replies (2) Good night (955) Bad night (2847)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.

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  (760): You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face. http://tfl.nu/v2nt
  Replies (3) Good night (850) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.

  (1-315): View more from New York

  How small IS your cock?

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  (315): Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing. (1-315): How small IS your cock? http://tfl.nu/y2pr
  Replies (6) Good night (1632) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.

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  (949): Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame. http://tfl.nu/sj6o
  Replies (2) Good night (1229) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you

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  (219): You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you http://tfl.nu/zonx
  Replies (8) Good night (1284) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.

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  (718): Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really. http://tfl.nu/n2d1
  Replies (14) Good night (2783) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.

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  (614): They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart. http://tfl.nu/irli
  Replies (7) Good night (759) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila

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  (419): I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila http://tfl.nu/p4pe
  Replies (7) Good night (1343) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.

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  (269): He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle. http://tfl.nu/cm4y
  Replies (7) Good night (893) Bad night (311)

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