Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
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so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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