I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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