This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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