before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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