i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We need to rekindle our bromance
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
