paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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