he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
