apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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