dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
