So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
