I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
