You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.