you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."