i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
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Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
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He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point