Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
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Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.