I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
