she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize