While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
